Ending the week on a positive note! I hope you have all had a great week. Today’s post will get you thinking and hopefully be super helpful!



Believe in yourself, and the rest will fall into place. Have faith in your own abilities, work hard, and there is nothing you cannot accomplish.
Brad Henry


Guess What?: You’ll love this article if

  • You want to be more confident in your everyday life
  • You want to learn some strategies to boost your self confidence
  • You want some new ways of thinking

I have been speaking a lot about “fears” and “regrets” in recent posts, so today I thought I would tackle one of the reasons you find yourself fearing things – lack of confidence / lack of self esteem. The importance of self-confidence and esteem mustn’t be overlooked. Lack of self confidence or self esteem not only limits your potential / goals in life; it also impacts how you will influence the world around you.

Most people would probably assume I am a highly confident person. I am bubbly, I can make conversation with new people, I am outspoken at times and I generally have a “I can do this attitude” – all of these things are the right ingredients for a self aware, self confident person, but, even though I can do these things, I still lack confidence in many areas.


Over the last few years I have learned my self-worth, thus it has lead me to become a self confident individual. (You can read more about how I beat my fears in this blog post).

Insecurity and lack of self confidence is something most of us battle with, so never feel alone. Some people are built sense of self-confidence which is fantastic, but for those people who it doesn’t come easily to, and you may not agree with me on this, I strongly believe that you can do things to increase your self-confidence by following some of these suggestions. So you don’t feel overwhelmed with my suggestions below you can just choose a few things that resonate with you and give them a go.

My hope in today’s post is that these suggestions will help you get past all of those nasty insecurities like: a) feeling like you’re not good enough, b) Thinking you’re not credible, or c) thinking you’re not talented to follow the path you’ve always wanted to.


When we begin to believe that we exist for a greater purpose, good things happen.



1. Social events, meetings or interviews


I go to a lot of events in the fashion industry and often times if I can’t take a plus one, I go to them alone. I have found over the last two years that even though I have entered rooms alone I still get nervous. Sometimes it’s hard to approach small groups of people if you don’t know anyone in the room sweaty palms and butterflies will generally ensue.


THE FIX: Take a moment before you enter a meeting or event and center yourself. Poise yourself and prepare some small talk. I have found that the voices in your head are always incorrect and the people you’re nervous to approach are always inviting and lovely.


Being happy, inquisitive and polite is always a great combination and it always helps to make a small joke so they have your trust.


2. Perception


Self confidence is a perception to those around you, so if you come across confident in your body language people won’t know that secretly you’re not so confident and from there, you’ll feel empowered and more confident. Did I just talk around in circles? Who knows.


Ways you can look more confident in social situations, life or in meetings are:


Make eye contact: This automatically makes you seem self-assured and confident. I don’t mean staring into their eyes like Crazy Eyes from Orange Is The New Black, but when you’re meeting a person for the first time, telling a story or listening make sure you’re maintaining a good level of eye contact.


Smile: Seems simple right? Until last year I had crossed over front teeth. I have since started Invisalign (JD has it too). When my teeth were crossed (this is completely personal and I have no issues with teeth imperfections) I found it difficult to a) smile in photos b) smile in meetings or social situations so it would come across like I was really serious, unhappy or not very confident. A genuine smile helps you appear calm, confident and appealing. So where possible, make sure you’re flashing those chomper of yours.


NOTE 1: since I’ve had Invisalign I have been 100% more confident with my smile.


NOTE 2: You may think people will notice your teeth is they’re crooked or imperfect, but chances are nobody notices them like how you do. When I tell people I have Invisalign they always say “Oh, I didn’t realise your teeth needed them”. So, what may seem like a big thing for you may not be a big thing for other people.


3. Stop comparing yourself

We are all so guilty of this – society is always telling us to look thinner, look more beautiful etc. They’re standards that just aren’t realistic. None of us fit into the same mould. When we compare ourselves to others, we always contrast the worst things about ourselves to the thing we perceive as the “best thing” about others. At the end of the day is thinking that a girl has better hair or skills than you really going to help you in life?


You can’t connect the dots looking forward you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something: your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path.

Steve Jobs


4. Dispute negative thinking

Being self aware of your negative thoughts is important if you want to improve your self confidence. We’re all victims to those voices in our head restricting our growth or abilities – to move forward you need to realise these thoughts aren’t fact.  When a negative thought comes in to your head hold yourself accountable and consciously choose to think about the situation in a more realistic and helpful way.


5. Remember how far you’ve come or what you have achieved

Sometimes it can be easy to focus on what you haven’t done. We have all grown over time and often we lose sight of that. Sometimes when I am feeling frustrated with how my blog, business or things like that are going my husband or a friend reminds me of what I have achieve. It puts things into perspective for me. Focusing on things you have done, no matter what size, can help you gain perspective on all your talents and abilities, thus, assures you great things will happen in the future.


6. Set some goals

If you’ve been reading Substance for a while you’ll know just how much I love setting goals. Which reminds me, I haven’t written down goals the last two weeks, so I really need to get on top of that!


When it comes to goals, start small and then increase each time you tick something off.


EG: Do a one minute plank each night for a week.

then you can have a new goals of; 4 one minute planks a night for a week.

Build yourself up – these little or big achievements help you gain self-confidence in your ability to get stuff done.


My GOAL at the moment is to maintain going to the gym 3-4 days a week as I have just signed up to a new one. More on that in another post though.


7. De-clutter your life

This goes for clutter in your house, friends who are mean or who have different morals / ideals to you, a job you hate, people who put you down etc.


What I have learned is your friends need to make you feel like YOU, so spend more time with the people who support and encourage you – spend less or no time with people you have to fake things with.


8. Dress up

Okay, this one is one of my favourites! Put on a nice outfit and spend some time on hair and make-up. Spending time on you is always a good idea!

If you have extra money come pay day, buy yourself something nice… Be it a new lipstick or a new handbag it all feeeeels good!

Remember, being confident is an ongoing process. There isn’t an end-point that you reach and then stop, you need to keep working on things things the best you can, and in doing so your self confidence will keep improving.


Quick fixes don’t always help in the long term. If you’re lacking self confidence or are feeling a little blue it may be worth having a chat to someone – be it a professional (they have some great programs help you build up your confidence), a friend or you can always drop me a line at ally@substance.cc


Kamuka Active Wear

Nike Roshe Run from Style Runner


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Author: Ally Carey

Hi, I am Ally, a writer and creative at Substance. I have worked in the fashion industry for 6+ years as a model and now on Substance. Substance is a lifestyle blog about fashion, beauty, health and self-improvement; hoping to inspire you to live a life filled with Substance. For more: @AllyMayCarey

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